The Silent Psychological Killer: Are Your Friends The Cause of your Negativity?

Aliz AJ |

Picture this..

It’s Friday and all of your friends are going down to the local hangout.

Your paycheck came in with a little bonus attached to it and life’s been treating you very well.

You and all of your friends are at the hangout. Drinks ordered, food is on the way and the conversation is going good. Then, that one friend that we all have, started their complaining..

“Eh, the food was okay. I’ve had better.”

“Oh my god, look at what she’s wearing. Who does she think she is?”

And “Oh my god, worst week of my life. Work sucks so much, I don’t even know why I stay there.”

The ONLY thing that annoys me more than negative people are negative people who REFUSE to change their situation to make it better.

And you look at them thinking, “What the hell? Why are you so unhappy? You got a job, a car, a nice place to live, food to eat, drinks, and friends. Life is grand. Why are you so negative?”

Meanwhile, as you’re thinking this is and saying it inside your head, your own spirit is slowly changing. And you, by simply being around such people and/or situations, are starting to become negative.

Know Your Frenemy

Frenemy aka Friends that are Enemies.

A wise man had an excellent analogy for a group of young people, he said the following:

“I’m drinking a cup of coffee. Now, I have friends on one side and enemies on the other. While I’m not looking, a friend puts sugar in my coffee and my enemy puts cyanide in. We expect that right? But what if it was my

enemy that put the sugar in, and my friend the cyanide? I’d be DEAD!”

Simply put, good can come from friends just as easily as it can come from enemies, and vice versa.

So as a trusting soul, what do you do??

Knowing your enemies is the easy part! Knowing which of your friends or, in this case, frenemies are in your life, that’s a bit more difficult.

 You have a few types to look out for:

  • Negative friends. These are the poor souls that take all the fun out of everything. They sap your soul and always throw a pity party for themselves and you’re invited.
  • Toxic friends. These lead you down the road to completely derail you in the name of your friendship with them. These friends will land you in jail, in a breakup, on drugs or a complete loser
  • The Frenemy. These people make it their mission to sabotage you, stab you in the back and make your life a drama-filled hell. All behind the mask of a friend.

It’s obvious the amount of damage that can be done if we so willingly allow ourselves to get mixed up within one of these bunches.

I believe I’ve seen it in it’s worst form when there’s something personal to be gained in the confrontation.

For example,

  • Work. There’s a promotion to be had and backs to be stabbed while crawling up that ladder.
  • Relationships. A jealous girlfriend or boyfriend out to steal your man or woman? Or maybe a jealous friend who doesn’t get the attention they once had?
  • Recreational Activities. Things go from fun to serious real fast when dealing with a few weekend warriors who refuse to lose as softball.

But are there any serious side effects from a bad friendship?


Some people should have warning labels on their foreheads

In lieu of plausible warning labels on certain people, the hazards of having these types of friendships in your life are costly.

You may find yourself:

  • Becoming lazier
  • Becoming negative
  • Having lack of energy
  • Lacking a passion for life
  • Begin to accept mediocrity
  • Begin to shun others success
  • Become hateful towards happy people

The list can literally go on for days

At this point, you know you don’t want this but you don’t know what to do or even how to go about dealing with this problem.


Positive Solutions

Off the bat, I’m not suggesting you keep them out of your life entirely. The best way to go about this, in my opinion is to set clear boundaries.

Talking to these people and letting them know that they’re starting to have a bad toll on YOUR own personal life.

If you think about it, You’re basically breaking up with a friend

You basically tell them in some sort of fashion,

“Look. I still want to be friends, but we can’t keep doing this. You drain me and, as much as I want to help you and make you feel better, I need to focus on myself as well.”

Does it make you sound like a selfish asshole? Sure

Does it make you feel like you’re abandoning a friend? Of course

Is it going to improve your life and, potentially, get your friend to get their shit together? Yes

So, if that’s so, is it worth it? Doesn’t something negative tend to give us an opportunity to receive something positive? Yes

In all honesty, only one of two things will happen from this:

  1. You lose a negative friend who has, more than likely, been plaguing your spirit for a while
  2. You and your friend achieve a new understanding, a new beginning and the friendship becomes stronger than ever

Either way, You win.

At the end of the day, we MUST do what’s best for us. In the priorities of love, we have GOT to be number 1.

Because if we are anything less, we sell ourselves short.

We’re the ship taking up directly to where we want to go.

Others depend on us to help them on their own life journey.

Your friends, family, co-workers, colleges and even complete strangers depend on you in some way.

And if your ship isn’t a priority, in some way, everyone who depends on you loses a little.

Keep yourself a priority because you’re needed. By yourself and by others.


Article written by Sean Burton


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